This time last year saw many of my nights sitting on the couch, happily knitting away at various projects, writing up designs, and taking care of those little things that easily fill up your day. Twice a week I would venture out for circus activities, once a month I would go out dancing, and once a month I would attend a friend’s brunch. While I had visions of being more social, I was happy with that existence – I felt in control and satisfied with my efforts.
Over the remainder of the year, I forged deeper relationships with people and traveled more, developing my dreams into more complex goals that I was determined to achieve. I added activities and attended more parties and gatherings, and my network of friends and colleagues widened, quite suddenly.
Lately, I have been feeling exhausted and chaotic as I try to achieve everything in the designated time frame – design, socialize, work, train, make pretty things, clean house, spend time with family, take care of self. Sometimes, I try to fit it all into one day. Recently, I have recognized how listless it has been making me feel, and how I don’t feel like I’m doing any of it well, especially the last one – taking care of me. I have been taking a stand a bit more – “I would love to attend the [insert event], but I’ve got something going on the night before and two days after, and I really need to have a free night or two this week to relax and reset.” That is an acceptable response! It’s ok to turn events down! I still feel a bit guilty.
The thing I’m feeling the most is how little I have been able to knit recently. There are many things in my queue and many more ideas piled in my head, but I can’t knit and drive, or knit and play certain games, and knit lace in the dark.
I’ve got Clue 3 of the Follow Your Arrow pattern done for one of the shawls (Version 2.0) and still have to work it up for Version 1. But I feel that it’s taken me a ridiculously long time to work 12 rows of simple lace.
Basically, if I flicker in out of the blogosphere over the next couple of weeks – know that I am trying to take that precious time to myself so that I can hit my reset button and face the world with a genuine smile, rather than the exhausted whimper that’s been quietly escaping my lips when I think of everything I’ve committed myself to in the following week.