At Which Point There Must be Change

Recently, I wrote about not having enough silly in my life, and making positive steps toward reclaiming the whimsy I was lacking.  I had gotten so wrapped up in making ends meet and doing the stable thing, that I had gotten stuck.  Like, really stuck.  And being stuck has always been the worst feeling in the world to me, worse than being bored, I think.  And I started hatching a plan.  Or rather, incubating the plan – it only hatched yesterday.

Yesterday, I put my two-weeks notice in at the office.  And, on June 12th, I will be hopping on a plane headed to Austin, Texas for a weekend.

Then begins the summer long adventure of teaching, traveling, and auditioning.  Spinning, spinning, spinning.

I have had a number of people approach me who think the years they have on me provides them with more wisdom – do it now, they say, do it while you are young and you can.  And it’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut.  Age has nothing to do with the ability to travel and pursue your dreams.  I have the courage to take risks, and the inability to sit still for too long.  Given the groups of people I have acquainted myself with over the past 10 years, I have sufficient evidence against age and money being a factor that holds people back.  The only thing preventing you from taking a leap is the fear that you will fall.

This isn’t to say that I lack a fear of falling.    Recently, especially, as the time to take that leap of faith has drawn near, I have been fluctuating severely between an antsy desire to simply tear off without a goodbye, and the over powering anxiety that I have no clue what I’m getting myself into and what if it doesn’t work.

But this is a scenario I am familiar with.  I took a leap of faith having my child at the age I did.  The first time I lived on my own was also the first time I left the US, and gearing up to spend 7 months in a different country all alone was incredibly difficult.  Finishing college and deciding to jump into a van with some friends and join the circus – huge leap.  Moving to Chicago, another big jump.  I started jumping at age 16.  This anxiety and I – we know each other well.  I will freak out up until the point of no return, where I must sink or swim, and then I will take a deep breath and dive.  And lo, I will still come up for air, and all will be well.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. hers
    May 29, 2014 @ 19:02:32

    You’ve always been a free spirited individual ever since I’ve met you in 8th grade. In a way, it’s like we haven’t really changed that much.. you’re still a wonderful writer and I’m still doing art. I’m so happy that you’re not settling for being ‘stuck’. I hope that your heart and ambition finds the right fit. Good luck on your journey, my friend. ❤ ❤ ❤


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