Shhh….I’m Only Pretending

I’m only pretending to be an adult and do those adult things like “having my life together.”  But I’ve come to realize that it can only take me so far before my imagination falters as I tack on one more restless night to a string of sleepless nights.  I can’t keep up with my own charade.

The truth is – I’m sitting over here freaking out.  I have been running on high power for the past 7 weeks.  Scratch that – since JUNE!  And I just don’t have the brain power for it any longer.  I’ve been cracking around the edges, and this week I shattered.  It’s not that anything bad has happened, it’s just that I’m too exhausted and worried to get myself under control again and the slightest worry is bringing me to tears.

I love my life.  I love my life.  I’m doing amazing, inspiring things every single day.  I’m waking up to the mountains in all of their stoic beauty.  I’m in the best physical shape I have ever been in.

Let’s repeat that.

I love this.

So, what am I freaking out about?

I’m tired – physically.  Everything is sore and my brain is dead.  I’m trying to keep track of training, homework, two jobs, and trying to stay engaged in the world of my 9 year old.

If I don’t blog, I’m probably ripping out my hair and scribbling a million lists to feel like I understand what the heck is going on in my world, because I truthfully have no idea right now.  I’m in the air a lot, and I don’t sleep much, and I haven’t been on a proper date in ages, not counting the Playa date at Burning Man, and I interact with the same 20 or so people every single day, which is kind of surreal.

Please, follow me on Facebook (facebook.com/littlegreenpixie) and on instagram (LittleGreenPixie) – updates are much more reliable on those sites.

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